A Macon Telegraph photographer was arrested for photographing the gravesites of Duane Allman and Berry Oakley in Rose Hill cemetery.

After the Oakley family constructed "Fortress Eat A Peach" in Rose Hill, the City of Macon forced them to remove the land-mines, mote and twenty-foot razor-wire fence constructed to keep out would-be vandals. Since the removal of the barriers, off-duty officers have been hired to guard the graves especially during music festivals in the Macon area.

"The rule ought to be shoot-to-kill and I never miss," said Annie Oakley, a family member and renowned marksman.

Since a judge has ruled against the families' effort to instate a "shoot-to-kill" order intended to discourage visitors to the graves, officers have adopted the "overwhelming force" doctrine. When Nick Oza, mild-mannered photographer, refused orders to "buzz off," the sheriff's SWAT team stormed the public cemetery to apprehend the "trespasser" and confiscate his photography equipment. Oza was later released on bail with the warning that future trespassing may get a response from the Delta Force or the Navy Seals.

Walter Bush, attorney for the Telegraph, expressed outrage. "If they don't drop the charges, we'll storm the sheriff's office with our own SWAT team led by R.L. Day and Ed Grisamore. Then they'll be sorry."

EATONTON - Sun Energy Holdings, the private corporation that tried unsuccessfully earlier this month to get a construction and demolition landfill permitted by the Putnam County Planning and Zoning Commission, has not given up yet.

Following the planning commission's denial of their request, the group filed an appeal to the Putnam County Commission. That appeal is scheduled to be heard at the commission's meeting on Oct. 5. Rumors have it that the group is a front for the Nuwabian Nation in an effort to gain approval for their various building projects. "Denial by the Putnam Commissioners will result in a visit by the Mother Ship," a spokeman said.

A group of Putnam citizens who banned together to fight the landfill is also not giving up, according to a statement from the Putnam Awareness League.

"We trust our commissioners won't cave and will remember the more than 2,200 signatures of people objecting to the proposed landfill-----our mother ship will get in their face in a hurry. Besides, who wants to be the galactic dumping ground for interplanetary construction debis," the group said through the statement.

The landfill developers propose to dump construction debris, not garbage, into the landfill.

As Gov. Roy Barnes sees it, nobody should have to live in fear of another person who lives in the same house and that goes double for when those people are at conferences in Macon and share the same conference room.

Some people don't respond well to heckling so when they are harassed while trying to speak to an audience, some resort to violence. "People should be able to speak their minds in conferences, even in Macon, and not live in fear that the presenter or other audience members will attack them. This is a real problem and potential threat, especially for those people who attend a lot of conferences," Barnes said. "I intend to pass legislation to protect Georgians from conference violence, especially in Macon, the up-and-coming conference capital of Georgia."

Ima Scarrie brought the hammer down on the alarm clock, shattering the glass and knocking the face off. She said it felt good.

It was a gesture symbolizing the kickoff of a statewide, grass-roots effort to stop the clock on Georgia's four-year time limit for welfare recipients.

Smashing three alarm clocks got the attention of about 50 people from Macon, Augusta, Waycross and Atlanta who crowded into the Unionville Recreation Center on Thursday to learn how NOT to bring about change for the state's economically disadvantaged. The group opposes the time limit and prefers to allow the under-advantaged to lounge on welfare indefinitely. Their brief naps were abruptly ended when the destruction began.

Scarrie, from Augusta, attended due to her interest in issues affecting the working poor, but mostly because she enjoys smashing things with her hammer. "If they don't listen to me, I'll smash a clock. It that doesn't work, I'll smash their boom-boxes. It that doesn't work, I'll tell them 'This is your head ignoring me' and then smash an egg like they do on those anti-drug commercials. Any questions?"

Disclaimer: The accounts, quotes and stories on this page are wholly fictitious and intended as satire and humor. Although real names may be used and all good humor has an element of truth, this stuff ain't real. If you didn't already know these stories were bogus, then you're not too bright. --Steve Scroggins